Tool Interview

From when I thought I was Lester Bangs.

Morrissey is not totally a twat when you're despairful and it's Jeff Buckley instead.

Also appropriate:

"Juliet...

...we'll be buried yet".

(I don't think that lyric makes any sense, but can rejoice because Cubase (above) helps mask its shitness.)

Whatever Works

Deceptively pretentious cretins who once regrettably lay claim to my friendship would often incessantly wax lyrical about Woody Allen in some vaguely desperate attempt to appear enlightened, intellectual, or something less obviously, morbidly moronic. That fact, combined with inherent laziness, resulted in my indirect boycott of everything from Annie Hall to Zelig until today. 'Whatever Works' is genuinely witty, genuinely insightful and...

...hold on - I'm not sad enough to write a flowery film review for a self-indulgent ghost blog. Who the fuck am I talking to anyway?

13 reasons why Pixies were the best thing since generic pre-packaged loaves of the sliced variety

1. Because the following invoke a series of spontaneous and simultaneous bodily jirations and screamalongs:

• Rock Music
• Tame
• Something Against You
• River Euphrates
• Gouge Away
• There Goes My Gun
• Wild Honey Pie

2. Because of love songs that range from ironic to unconventionally romantic to just plain perverted:

• Hey
• Cactus
• La La Love You

3. Because of lyrics unparalleled in occasional nonsensicalness yet unquestionable ingeniousness:

• Subbacultcha ......"You know, when you GROPE! FOR! LUNA!"
• Bone Machine ......"You're so pretty when you're unfaithful to me" | You buy me a soda and you try to molest me in the parking lot"
• I've Been Tired ......"I said I wanna be a singer like Lou Reed. I like Lou Reed, she said, sticking her tongue in my ear... While we're at it baby, why don't you tell me one of your biggest fears? I said, losing my penis to a whore with disease.. just KIDding, I said - losing my life to a whore with disease... she said, Excuse me, please?"

4. "You Fuckin' Die"

5. Because some songs seem extra-emotionally intense and meaningful, without really being about anything at all:

• Wave of Mutilation (slow version)
• In Heaven (Lady in the Radiator Song)
• Caribou

6. Because some songs make you feel like you're floating away:

• Havalina
• Blown Away
• (the ending of) Motorway to Roswell

7. Because some songs make for perfect non-shitty pop:

• Alec Eiffel
• Trompe Le Monde
• Here Comes Your Man

8. Because of blood-curling screams mixed with angelic, sometimes irrelevantly out-of-tune harmonies (...see "1" & "5"...)

9. Because Joey Santiago does more with one bent note than all the world's Dimebag Darylls and Zak Wyldes put together.

10. Because they really know how to make a purposely, wonderfully bad music video.

11. ...or how to use them to poke fun at the mainstream:

12. Because "Pixies" reminds you of every & anything great about the 80s.

• Theme From Narc

13. Because...



Oh and yeah, Where Is My Mind was good in Fight Club. Now shut up about it.